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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: August 4th, 2023

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  • I’m one of those great people who can’t read social cues, so when a get-together is winding down and people are leaving, I’ll hang around until you explicitly tell me to GTFO. It’s not that I’m desperate to stay or anything, I just don’t know how to read a room, especially if I have no other plans. I would be an absolute fucking nightmare at an orgy. 4am, the host now fully dressed again, mopping up the cum and sweat, and it’d just be me left, naked, wanking on his couch. His wife away to bed already, lights in the kitchen switched off, dogs fed and candles blown out, and just the thwick-thwick-thwick of my foreskin rolling back and forth while the guy angrily clears his throat, getting progressively more tuberculosisy as his impatience grows and with my apparently psychopathic dominance display showing no signs of abating.

    “Hey man, got any more Viagra? Don’t think I’ll be getting another natural one tonight lol”

    “Please… please leave…”

    “Oh sure no worries, bye” and I’d be gone in 3 minutes without being any the wiser about what a colossal fucking prick I’d been until maybe 3 or 4 years later.

    Actually, this reminded me of a real thing that happened when I was a teen, and the horror of which only dawned on me about 6 months after. I was in Belfast meeting a potential new bandmate for my metal band. He wouldn’t be there for another 45 minutes or so, so I thought I’d pass the time in a guitar store, playing a guitar I could never afford, without headphones. I must have ran through Metallica’s entire discography for that full 45 minutes - an incredibly long time. One of the clerks came and chatted with me, and I thought he was just shooting the shit, but in retrospect he was screaming through his eyes “motherfucker, buy something or fuck off, or at least stop playing Enter fucking Sandman”. As I was leaving the store, one of the other guys behind the counter joked “after all that and you’re not even buying something?” but guess what friends? That was no joke. And my parting response to it must have sounded truly fucking psychotic. “What for? Sure I can just come in here and play to my heart’s content for free lol” as the door closes behind me. I don’t even want to imagine what they said about me after I left.

    Lads, get that autism diagnosis under your belt as early as you possibly can.

    Also, if anyone is having an orgy near Belfast, hit me up! My willy’s pretty small, so I won’t be a bother to anyone. You won’t even know I’m there.





  • 58008@lemmy.worldtoMicroblog Memes@lemmy.world•Privacy
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    29 days ago

    When I hear that sort of thing from Google CEOs or the like, I wish I could be there to ask them if that means they’d be cool with me sitting in on their therapy sessions or at least having access to their therapist’s notes after the fact. If they don’t want me or the world at large reading that stuff, I’d have to assume it’s because they’re a violent paedophile or something? Why else would they want to keep it private? Paedophilic tax dodgers and terrorists are the only ones who want privacy after all.

    Also, lol that this is posted to Lemmy, the least-private social media platform I can think of.





  • 58008@lemmy.worldtoMildly Infuriating@lemmy.world•No one spells "lose" anymore
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    2 months ago

    I’m not a grammar nazi, but I like to be helpful to people who want help:

    • Lose: Pronounced “loose”, as in “if you’re gonna challenge me to explain the difference between ‘lose’ and ‘loose’ well, ha, let’s just say you’re gonna lose/loose”

    • Loose: Pronounced “lose”, as in “just how lose/loose do you think AOC’s anal sphincter really is?”







  • Witcher 3 hard copies required activation to your GOG account before they could work. Hitman (2016) was 70% locked behind the worst DRM in human history, but they sold it on their store until they were pressured by customers not to.

    And Devotion still ain’t ‘preserved’ because the CCCP hivemind told them not to have it on their site, and they obeyed instantly.

    GOG can suck all the dicks with that self-righteous bullshit.